Regret is a disappointment that stifles my progress. It is that I-should-have feeling that makes me feel like a caged animal. I can see the freedom I should be enjoying.
But all I have is my wish gone up in smoke. As I write this article, I am working hard to get out of a crazy cycle. The first regret is compromising my focus on of consistent content development for my readers. Then, there is a regret of thinking I can do everything by myself while dropping the ball in some critical areas. My third regret is not seeking help earlier than I thought I needed it.
Then I remembered of an event that won over regret. I had always wished to have birds visit our backyard. Their beautiful chirping is soothing and the rhythm of their wings energizing. It gives me a sense of peace and connection with nature. But for about five years, that was all it was. A wish.
The bird feeders I found in the shops were obnoxiously expensive. I couldn’t bring myself to spend that amount of money. There were more pressing needs calling for my attention. My shortcoming was a dumb fixation on a commercial bird-feeder. Little did I know that I had all the resources I needed to build one!
It came in the shape of an old wire paper tray, four pieces of fencing wire, a steel shallow fry basket, and a hot-glue gun. I got snipping and shaping. In 30 minutes, my home-made feeder hang on a tree branch. I quickly poured in some bird seed and waited excitedly. Day one, two, three… Not a single tweeting bird was in sight for a full month.
Then one day, I noticed a pair of African Fire-finches. Beautiful, tiny balls of energy on wings. Three months later, we have at least seven bird species visiting our urban backyard.
Intent became a reality.
From this story, I draw three lessons to help us overcome regret and discover true living.
1. Context is critical
This is my intimate knowledge of the present. In all the urgency and busy-ness of my life, I forget to slow down. I hop from this to that like my pants are on fire.
“How did I get here and where am I going?” This must be a daily reflection. It is a must-have if I must truly live up to my full potential. For what has all the haste in life earned me? Procrastination, superficial relationships and missed opportunities.
Without taking action, there is no way I’d be writing this in the midst of singing birds. To understand my context, I need to slow down, take a deep breath and ask: “Who am I and where am I going?” That give me clarity and provides a platform to formulate my next steps.
2. Courage is necessary
It isn’t enough to just slow down. I must strengthen my mind, body and spirit. I will most probably face resistance from the choices I make. For example, saying no to a proposal from someone else can be frowned upon. Naturally, we have a deep-seated need to be affirmed for who we are or what we do. This may cause us frown upon a response that is contrary to what we expected.
However, I must be courageous to resist something that goes against my goals, values or beliefs. If I don’t have these in place, then I may find myself completely lost.
Courage is also required especially in times of success. Andy Grove warns that “Success breeds complacency. Complacency breeds failure. Only the paranoid survive.” Getting the Firefinches to flock our backyard was great. But to keep them coming, we have to put out bird seed everyday. I can’t just rest on yesterday’s laurels, I need to work on success every day.
3. Character must deepen
This is made up of my distinctive mental and moral qualities. The term character is derived from Greek kharaktēr – a stamping tool. In every sense, character is my distinctive mark, feature, or trait. It is important to note that character can be improved upon or changed. But I require a deep introspection and candid .
Through time, chance and opportunities, I get to grow and develop convictions along the way. My interactions with people, spiritual growth or study shape my beliefs and persuasion. Like metal is forged into form by heating and hammering, so does character determine your destiny.
Just as the Fire-finches come to seek food everyday, so should I build on my character. It is a deliberate daily choice.
Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: “It might have been!” ~ John Greenleaf Whitter.
Going forward, I commit to live with less regret. I will get things done, cut on my silly excuses and pity parties. For Will Henry was spot on when he said: “Fools live to regret their words, wise men to regret their silence.” I will be found in neither category no more!
Q: What do you need to do today to live with no regrets? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
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